Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Better late than never....

I returned back to my apartment on Monday after a long weekend of drinking and punching one of my best friends' in the face focused on delivering my Monday blog, as promised. The makers of my wireless router had other ideas. I was politley told by an Indian gentleman on the phone that he couldn't offer me any technical support because my router's warranty had run out. Sweet policy netgear and kudos on the outsourcing. The fuckin thing is only a year and a half old and this clown wasn't allowed to help me. Fine, fuck him....Ramon from Staples hooked it up and I am back online.

Also, if you feel inclined post a comment after these posts. Tell me how much I suck, or that you want to hook up with me, I really don't care. I think I've finally figured out how to get the thing working right so let's take advantage of it. I have grand visions of a message board type deal where men praise me and women leave me their bra size and phone numbers. But if the amount of people who got at me on facebook after my last entry is any indication, the comment function will go as unused as a female retard's box. I implore you, if you like this blog send it around to your friends. I will update as much as I can. I am desperately looking for a way out of the corporate world. In addition to "chief," my boss recently added "captain" to his belittling nickname repertoire. The clock is ticking......

I went back to the gym this week for the first time since......October 26th. I know this because I asked when I swiped my card and the alarm went off. Day 1 I did 35 minutes on the treadmill watching PTI (they have TV's on the treadmills). I'm not claiming I ran the whole time, I had to walk once in a while because my beat ass headphones kept falling out of my ears which is wicked annoying. I need to roll into the gym with some DJ headphones. Anyways, when I stepped off of that treadmill I looked like I just stepped out of a horny whale's snatch. Day 2 was no better because I wore long sleeves in an attempt to cover up my 4 months pregnant stomach. Again, I exited the whale's box, showered and here I am.

Another funny thing that happened yesterday occurred on the bus. What a surprise. I was reading a book like I usually do when all of a sudden from behind me I hear none other than "This is How We Do It" by Montell Jordan. You guys remember that track. Montell is kind of buzzed and its all because, "this is how we do it." You never really realize how sweet those lyrics are when you are a 14 year old kid blasting that song in your mom' blue subaru wagon. I guess age has its perks. Speaking of age, I neglected to mention where this sound came from. A black man no younger than 45 with those headphones that are so terrible that the music is as loud in his head as it is to everyone around him. This guy was jammin so hard I had to put my book down and stare out the window for the remainder of the trip. Also, I can't be sure, but I think I saw a white woman lean up a bit and put a metro newspaper underneath where she was sitting. I guess its pretty obvious. Montell still makes the bitches wet.

Also, some unsettling news about one of my closest friends. I believe it was two weekends ago, we were hanging out and a preview came on for the show "Love Monkey" (starring Larenz Tate, Tom Canvanaugh and Jason Priestly...Tuesdays at 10 on CBS!!!). Then came the 7 magic words that changed my friendship forever, "Dude, I will definitely watch that show."

American Idol is back for another season. Unfuckingbelievable. Granted, I am madly in love with Kelly Clarkson, I still think the show sucks balls. I personally feel (and this opinion is based solely on the commercials...I havent watched sine my man Ruben won) that Simon should be allowed to swear at the contestants to spruce up his lame, condescending British putdowns. Instead of the smarmy (probably not a word) "That went from torture to murder," how about Simon unleashes something like "I would rather have my testicles shaved with a rabid dogs mouth than listen to you sing one more fucking note of 'rythm divine'" Not bad, but now put it into that guys accent and we have a winner, a show that I would tune into religiously. If that were the case, Clay Aiken would have been called a "queer fucking pedophile" and this whole 'If he is in fact straight, Clay Aiken gets more pussy than Matt DiOrio and that isn't fair at all' thing would have never happened.

Contest Alert!!!!! Since this blog has no decent name, I would like to welcome any suggestions to be posted on the site for a good blog name. Leave your name and a way to contact you if you win. Deadline FEB 1!!!
The person with the winning submission will receive a personal check from me, Matt DiOrio, for $15 US Dollars.


Anonymous Jay Peck said...

Name It:

"Vicissitude": Change with an attitude, from a boy from the ROC to a man surviving within the JP.

4:25 PM  
Anonymous Matt Neumann said...

Filthy and Raw the Matt Diorio Story

4:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think your blog should be called

Memoirs from the Cube: The Tragedy of Chief Matty Fatty

6:14 PM  
Anonymous Poppin Krystal' said...

Nice Blog Matty D! You actually kept me reading the whole thing, maybe you should go into journalism cheif!!


7:59 PM  
Anonymous Bruce D said...

I think it should be called, "gus chiggins sings the blues"
"Matt Diorio, the slightly sexy story"

9:16 PM  
Anonymous Andy Apperson said...

the blog should be called "Preacher DiOrio's Holy Sermon," that way it will trick the religeous crowd into reading it and in turn horrify them beyond belief.

10:30 PM  
Anonymous anonymous said...

Sundry Writings in Specificity

A Fudge Hornet's Keyboard

I Want A Man To Take Me...Seriously

For After You Zip Up and Delete Online 'History.'

2:02 PM  
Anonymous What up it's ur boy Skeezy said...

Even B Cav "Bison" gets laid! ererererererere

5:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

here's a few ideas from old C. Mac

The Cronicles of Riddickule

This Blog Can Kill You 1000 Ways

Saucy Matty's Bedtime Blog

Matty Assisted Suicide Blog Style

Scorned Matty Gets a Chance

6:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the name should be

the glass is half empty

7:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It should be called...Giffords Corner, the only spot on earth thats as dreary and wet as Jill Blaca's vag

12:32 AM  
Anonymous Adam DiOrio said...

How bout....
-The BossChiefChampGuyAceSport Page
-Matty Dangerfield Earns his Respect
-The Great Hand Shake Date Page
-Steve Irwin Sings the Blues
-Small Pecker in the Big City
-Nobody Loves Me like my Blog
-Matt DiOrio ALWAYS Keeps it Real

11:09 AM  
Anonymous James Mahoney said...

Jen Perry Stole my virginity!

This is funnier then getting beat up at a Goo Goo Dolls concert.

1:35 PM  
Anonymous Herby said...

Matt Diorio: Fully Loaded

7:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote for "Small pecker in the big city."

9:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

matt dizzy's bligety blog

9:26 AM  

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